Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Me Again

Yes, I'm very talkative today. I may be trying to make up for all the talking I didn't do while sleeping this weekend. Not sure. I'm needing to do some talking. Talking about something I'm not really sure what I've got to say about. Have you ever lost a friend? I mean someone you felt you had this wonderful connection with. Someone you felt like really understood you and you them. Two peas in a pod I guess some people say. You'll know who that person is for you when someone sees you out and about and says "Hey, Where's ________?" It's not like we're conjoined twins, we've just been together awhile and it seemed right. I guess till it was wrong. For no reason it was wrong. I wish I knew. I also wish this was the first time that very instance has happened to me. No. It's not. It's why I find it hard to open up and be friends with people. Women in general. We're mean. We do stuff for no reason and expect not to have to give a reason or be asked for one. Wonder why we're that way. What made us so wicked? I'm here again, like last time, retracing my steps back over and over, trying to figure out what it "might" have been. Did I say...Maybe it was... I can't work it out. I guess, just like last time, I'll have to let it go. Move on. It hurts more this time for some reason. Maybe it's the same and I can't remember before. All I know is I've got this hole in my guts. This totally weird feeling that I'm not sure what to do with. I think I'll miss her. I know I'll think of her from time to time but sometimes people out grow you I guess. Out grow what brought you together in the first place. I'm sad about it, sure but looking back I always knew it was a friendship out of convenience for her. We almost never did anything together outside of work or that didn't relate to work. I always took it as her time was very scheduled and busy. So I didn't want to bother or when I would ask, she was busy. So I just enjoyed what time we did have together. Looking back I'm a little mad at myself for letting myself be treated that way and the hardest part is that I know I'll see her again. See her a lot but it won't be like it was. It won't be two peas in a pod for us anymore. That makes me sad. Really sad.

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