Today I've just been thinking a lot about my life and how things have turned out for me. Thinking about how people (me totally included) tend to waste the here an now waiting on the future to happen. I was thinking about if we'll ever have a bigger house or if I'll ever have a different job. Thinking about if I'll ever have the entire house clean at one time or if I'll have all the laundry done AND folded too. It's weird when you catch yourself thinking about something you always thought against before. Moving in a direction you always ran head long away from previously. I wonder if my life will ever seem to make more sense than it does now or if this is really what living feels like. I'm not sure. I'm still learning I guess. That's why wisdom comes with age. Well, sometimes. I know I've changed a lot and that my life is a total 180 from where it was even a year ago but I wonder, what will it be like next year? I kind of feel like I've been in a constant state of flux my entire life. I feel like I can't ever relax and officially move in someplace. I'm not sure what holds me back. Maybe it's that feeling that's I'm not sure life is supposed to feel/be like this for real. Maybe that I'm still playing house and not really being a housewife. I feel kinda fuzzy on that.