Yes, I'm alive but barely. Last week was insanely busy for me. Mostly as work. I ran an entire three day conference with countless execs on my own. By Wed I thought I would going to have an A1 melt down and do something stupid. I didn't though. Bedsides eat ice cream, which didn't turn out to be stupid at all. Things have luckily settled a little more and am back to my semi normal life with my semi normal hubby. We went to Worlds of Fun on Saturday night to a concert. I was really excited to see a new band I'm really loving right now called Tenth Avenue North but others (Hawk Nelson and David Crowder Band) were also there I wanted to see. The extremely expensive tickets said the show started at 5pm. We got there in time to park in the very last parking lot on earth, walk an hour to get to the show only to realize that the people I wanted to see the most, had already gone on at 3:25!!! I was ticked. Plus hot and frustrated because finding this ridiculous concert venue had been such a royal pain. We did manage to see Hawk Nelson (which was just ok. Either because of my grumpiness or they were just ok) and then David Crowder Band came on and made my world spin upside down. I love those guys. I love David for sure. He's my number one example how beauty doesn't have to be about what you look like cuz seriously, he's one of the uglies guys I've ever seen but let me tell you something, he's the most amazing person and I'll be a big fat harry bumble bee if he isn't the most in love with God person I've ever had the privilege to be near. He's on the right track and is an awesome example for all those men of God out there struggling to believe that you can still be cool, funny and smart but still love God more than anything. John and I both had such a great time. We then realize that our tickets were so expensive because they also give us access to ride stuff and eat nasty Worlds of Fun food. So we set out into the park, me in my totally impractical shoes and John itchin for a bratwurst. I love to sit and watch people and HATE to ride rides. So I sat while he rode. It worked out pretty well. We were there till around 10pm. Walked the ten hundred miles back to the car and went home. I think we'll go back yet this summer. I'll wear shorts and tennis shoes this time and we'll all be a lot happier. Sunday we had a little 1 year old birthday party to go to out in KS. We couldn't believe all the stuff he got. Amazing! I'm thinking "where the crap are we going to put all those huge toys in our house?!" Guess we'll figure it out. Yesterday was one of the hottest I can remember. I seriously thought I was going to pass out at one point. It's just not right people!
The baby is growin like a weed. Starting week ten today. About the size of a grape now. All kinds of cool and wonderful things going on in there at this point. I'm feeling ok. Headaches here and there. Nausea here and there. Food is a challenge. Almost nothing sounds good to eat and when something does and I get it, it never tastes like it used to. I've been eating a lot of mexican food. Beans and salsa. Also, pasta sauce sounds good most of the time. Meat is a struggle. Any kind. Tried to eat a breakfast sandwich the other day and only got down three bites. Just head says "man this is good" but my body says "OMG!" I will be happy when this part is over. I do have a tiny bump. I wasn't starting from flat stomach to begin with by you can tell I've got a little something going on. With my uterus being the size of a grapefruit, you'd think I'd have a little pooch. I read today that it's normal to still be scared to death to be a parent, I'm glad I'm not abnormal then. I have days where I'm just overjoyed. Excited to meet our new little person. Then other days when I can't really think about it because I'm so freaked out about all the things that are going to happen to my body and how our lives are about to change FOREVER. Never will be the same again. We have a great life. At least I think so. I know a baby won't make it bad, just different. New. Being a parent, no a good parent, is the ultimate test of a person. Of a marriage. It makes me nervous to think about but I know I have to let go and let God give us the right ideas and the direction to know where to turn. Reminds me of part of a song by Tenth Avenue North that keeps playing over in my head. He says:
"Oh I'll be by your side whenever you call, in the dead of night, wherever you fall but please don't fight these hands that are holding you. My hands are holding you"
Knowing that I'm gonna mess up but that I'm not calling out to nothingness is hard to keep sight of. It's hard to keep hold of in your everyday living. I listed to this song at least once a day now to help myself really get it. Really KNOW it.