Levels and Blood Draws and Blahdie Blahdie Blahdie

Went to our first doctors appointment today. Went well. Took blood, peed in a cup, took a little exam. The kind of fun stuff you wish you could do everyday. The doc thinks I'm around 6 weeks but will know more tomorrow when they get the blood test results back. She was a touch concerned about some of the symptoms I have had and wants to keep an eye on it. I go back this Thursday so we can do more blood work to make sure my HCG levels (the little thing in my blood that tells them I'm prego and how far along) are going up instead of down. Then we do our sonogram on Monday. Overall I'm pretty happy. The doctor was nice and didn't make me feel rushed in asking questions. I also got this awesome swag bag with all sorts of magazines, fun gift-y things and such. I can't wait to bust all that out tonight. I also plan to REST tonight. Like not do anything but rest and read. We'll see what really ends up happening though.

Nesting

So nesting is a funny thing. I never really believe it was real, just pressure pregnant ladies feel to get their house in order before their little one shows up. Not so. I've this OVERWHELMING urge to homey up our home. I mean I'm excited about shower curtains and towels for heaven's sake. I'm drooling over new organic cotton sheets and funky silverware. I'm wanting to spend days at home just organizing drawers and cabinets. Throwing stuff away and cleaning dust bunnies out from under the bed and couch. I'm crazed! Here are some of my pics today for our house. I think I'm coming into my own on this "my style" thing. John and I both love simply unique things with modern/retro touches. As he says "Things that look like space!". Almost everything in our house says that about us. I thought for some time I needed to grow up and form this more sophisticated style but now realize that really, it's who we are and I need to just run with it. I love brown. I love green, aqua and orange. AND I happen to love them all together. Sigh of relief.

Turns Out, I Love It

This weekend seemed to go by rather quickly. Friday night we helped a friend paint and had a lot of fun doing so. He new house is turning out lovely and I can't wait to see it all done. Saturday I spend the day with Granny. We drove out to Legends shopping in KS and found some great summer clothes for her AND went to a baby store. Found some of the cutest and ugliest baby things I've ever seen. We also went to a couple furniture stores in which I swiftly bought us some new dishes, glassware and other general kitchen gadgetry. Sunday we did necessity shopping followed up by a nap. We then helped Gran put together her new bedding which was rather complicated in the fact that we had to cut the bed skirt and measure and staple it to the bed rails about a thousand times. Of course the bed wasn't going to cooperate, so we had to take it all apart. In the end, it looked great and she's happy with it. That's all I care about, really. We made a nice pasta dinner and take a slow walk with the dogs. I have to say I'm beat tired today though. Tonight we're heading back over to Gran's for a dinner party with some people she knows from the UK office. She's got them amazing menu planned. I'm excited to eat, as always! Also, got the vacation dilemma all settled. We're doing two days in KC. Monday Gran and I are going to do something special, Tue I'm going to relax and get us packed up, Wed heading down to the lake to hang out with Mom & Gary for the next four days. Also our girls are getting fixed during that time. I'm nervous. My babies are going under the knife! We plan to do all things relaxing but also I'm excited to do somethings summery. Hopefully swim, ride in the ranger, go to some junk shops, eat ice cream, watch fireworks, make smores, sleep in.

Also today, here are some things I'm totally loving:

Love this cookbook and love this chef. Jamie's fun to watch and fun to read. He also makes some really fantastic things in this book. I keep thinking about it today.

Summer weight down alternative comforter I'm getting ready to buy. Love the color and love the summer weight version.

Peonies. The only pink anything worth my time and love. I love love love these things. Someday when I build a house out in the country I'm going to plant a ton of these in this dark pink outside my kitchen window so I can smell them while I do dishes.

The Weepies newest CD-Hideaway. Anytime I ever hear these songs in my future, I will forever be reminded of being newly pregnant. I'm listening to this pretty much non stop. It's mellow but fun. Very cool for summer.

Last but not least. Propel fitness water. Sounds dorky I know but good. I'm adoring the Lemon and Kiwi/Strawberry flavors lately. They have a ton more to try. Just the right amount of sweetness but still thirst quenching at the same time. It's not bubbly which I thought I might hate but turn out, I love.

More tomorrow. I'll try and get some pics of our new dishes and such for you. I'm super excited to get them in the cabinets. Also, dinner party photos to come too!

New Kicks

Meet my new Merrell's. They are for our camping trip that is rapidly approaching. It's kinda sneaking up on me now that my focus has been diverted to baby town lately. These sandals are really comfortable and kinda cute.

Today is going by quickly at work and I'm glad. I've had some meetings and went to lunch with a friend. Also, saw another friend who lent me a baby names book that she used. The thought of names and cribs and room colors is so overwhelming right now to me. I have a ton of time for that stuff it seems like but then it also feels like I need to rush and figure them out. You know, so I can have a plan. I'm big on havin a plan.

Tonight I plan to clean out my closet. I have thing so jumbled in there it's amazing I can find matching shoes in the morning. Nothing else really exciting going on per say.

Here is the crib and bedding I'm really liking today.

Typical Me

In typical me fashion, I'm thinking ahead. Like way ahead. Like I've got dang near nine months to figure out that babies room and I'm already thinking about it. Dwell Studios is doing this thing with Target lately. Some really cute baby things there at great prices. Since I don't know the sex of our baby yet (and sadly won't for a bit) I can't really go out and get that stuff before it's gone. So I went out to their site today to just see what they had going. OMG!!!
Love the stripes on the last one. That's would be so cute for a girl I think. As you all know, I'm not into pink or girly things, so this is just the right amount of cute and girly.
I have a few room ideas that I'm kicking around. Some things I'm excited about. Not like I don't have time to change my mind though. I'm sure I will. I'm guessing more than once...

So Here I Am

Well if I truly am just five weeks along. The baby is the size of a sesame seed and is forming it's heart chambers and will get it's heart beat this week. Amazing for something so small. I for some reason think I'm farther. More like eight. We'll see on Tuesday. It's my first official doctors appointment. This all started with a few moments of "morning sickness" and an intense craving for hot wings. I hate hot wings. Well I used to hate them. Now I love them and can't get enough. I went off birth control about three months ago now. We figured it would take a little bit and so I wasn't concerned with the strange changes in my body because I figured they all had to do with my body getting back to normal from the bc. Wow. Not so. We took the test Father's Day night. At around 10:15pm. Was shocked to see that plus sign and still feel a little shocked. I find myself forgetting at times and then I remember and the shock of it all sets in again for a few minutes. Weird. Got my "What the heck do to" books Monday night. I've been reading bits and pieces of them both the last few days. So much interesting information. Tons of things I never knew. I'm also keeping a hand written journal just for myself. How I'm feeling, new changes in my body and questions for the doctor. Lord this is weird! Poor John is trying to quit smoking. Even before we were married we made a deal that if I ever got pregnant he would quit smoking. I'm so proud of him for keeping up his end of the bargain. We're both gonna be a little crabby for a bit but we'll make it. I'm already starting with the strange food things. Last night I ate hummus, pickles, chips and salsa for dinner. Then I decided that I really wanted some sauteed vegetables. I was craving zucchini. I hate zucchini. Didn't have one and was to tired to go the the store. Ended up making sauteed onion and mushrooms with just a touch of spices. Man was it good.

Holy Crap!!!

No words to describe how wonderfully overwhelmed I am today. I'll write more later when I can figure out what to say.

Clean Up

So I finally got around to dragging out all our books and managed to get then onto our new beautiful bookshelves. It was phase one of maybe ten for cleaning the spare room. I've a little overwhelming to me at this point. So I've decided that if I tackle like 30minutes a night on it, it will be over before I know it. We had more books that I remembered but I do have a book buying problem. I know that. It could be worse. I could be shoes right. Oh wait...I was really happy with the end result of shelves. We look really smart now. Sadly I don't have a lot of room for more books. Maybe we need another shelf. Went out for a little walk last night with John and our girls. At one point Yorda was so excited she ran smack into a light pole. She hit so hard it knocked her completely out of her harness. I felt like a terrible mother but it was pretty funny. She just stood there looking at us like "What just happened?"

Today seems to be pretty low key at work. I've got execs out traveling and on vacation. I have some expenses to get turned in which is always a big process. You'd think I'd be used to it by now. I trained this morning to cover the front desk at our external client meeting center for tomorrow morning. I'm actually kind of excited about doing it. It's a little taste of what I used to do but In a super swank area. I'll try and snap a shot or two of this amazing place for you. It kinda made me realize I miss my old job. Mainly just the activity of it all. I sit all day now and just work on stuff on my computer. I miss being up, cleaning up, making things nice, helping people out with their problems and just being a nice smile welcome when you walk through the door. I'm kinda hidden now. No lost or random people coming by needing help now. I'm just here, working. Don't get me wrong. My job now is great. I have a great desk with a great view, great execs who like me and give me good feedback and a decent manager. I really can't complain.

Weekend Wrap Up

The weekend was so so. We didn't do a lot and that's ok. Monday came to fast, as always. I did get a lot of work done yesterday and it felt great. Things have been a little slow at work lately with people on vacation and such. Things will surely pick up though.

Last week I fell in love with the chicken wraps the cafe makes here at work. I eat one two days in a row but alas they are bad for me because the chicken is fried and the ranch sauce is fattening. I decided to start making healthier wraps from home for my lunches. Yesterday's was awesome and I know today's will be even better. I'm excited to actually find something that I can make at home and bring that I love so much. Also I love that it's pretty much endless as far as what I put in them. I always struggle with lunch options at work. I'm also trying extra hard to focus on eating more fruit, veggies and taking my vitamins on a regular basis. I've also been doing my trim and tone work out dvd pretty regular. I did go for a run over the weekend that resulted in my hurting my foot. I'm not sure if it's my running shoes or what. I'm thinking maybe running isn't for me. I dunno. John and I have talked about getting bikes, which would be marvelous exercise as well. I'm hoping to start shopping for those soon.

Not much else going on in my world at this second. Maybe more from me later...

Nothing Exciting

Yesterday when I got home from work, this little guy was hanging out in our yard eating grass. Our yard is fairly tall because of all the rain and so he had great cover till I got on the porch. The photo is a little blurry because I was trying to sneak the shot of him.

This week has seemed long and slow but not in a good way. Just slow. Today I have the usual Friday stuff to do at work. The weather is so nice, I'm sure everyone will be out of here by 4:30. We'll see.

We don't really have any plans this weekend. I like it that way. John works tomorrow, so I'll spend the day organizing and cleaning up. I know I do a lot of that but the work never seems to be done. I'm also going to try and make a dent in the dreaded spare room at our house tomorrow. Maybe if the sun is out I'll feel motivated to get in there and throw things out. I want to get my sewing station set up in there because I have a few projects I'd like to do for summer.

This bag and this shirt but in different fabrics. I'm also considering making a sun hat for our trip at the end of the month but not like the one above. Less floppy.

Hot Off The Press

Baby Will after his bath. Last night was the most time we've been able to spend with Will since he arrived on this earth. He wasn't sleepy for a really long time and we got to hang out and play. He's such a little joy and getting to that stage where he thinks everything is funny. We just sat and listened to him talk to himself in his crib on the monitor at one point. Seeing Tiff and Dave is always such fun to. They are really our only married friends. Well I guess that we are both friends with. We all get along so well and have a great mature friends relationship with them. They are great people. Tiffany looked the best I've seen her last night since Will came along. She really looked beautiful. I'm so glad to know them. We actually went to their house to help Dave put up some new light fixtures in their house. It was a fun night of sitting around with flash lights making jokes about the boys.

Today looks to be boring. I've not got a ton of work to do and I'm sleepy from getting home late. I've got my trusty Starbucks though to pull me through.

Hmm...

Getting older is weird. I mean I'm at that stage in my life where I'm aware that I'm not the target audience anymore. I'm finding most of the magazines I look at seem to be for women who are single and with no kids. I find almost all of the tv I see features people younger than me doing stupid things I would never think to have done. It's weird this getting older thing. Sometimes I'm slightly upset about it. Not because I want to be forever porcelain skinned and on the cutting edge of fashion but because it's sometimes unsettling to realize you aren't cool in the eyes of the younger generation anymore. They look at you as an old person. I find myself changing my magazines, music, movies, tv, clothing and skin care. I find myself obsessing over vacuum cleaners and foundation that matches my every changing skin. I wonder if that will get worse once I have a baby. I bet so. I'm handling this strange new world ok overall. I'm having luck finding things that appeal to the new old me. It's weird though, like getting to know a new friend. John I'm sure thinks I'm out of my mind because this topic comes up with great frequency around our house. I'm just trying to process you know. Someday's I'm ok with the 25 year old me. Someday's she's weird, awkward and totally emotional. It's like I'm a split personality all the sudden. Anyway, this to will pass.

Going tonight to see our friends Tiffany and Dave. Excited to play with Will again. Always excited to play with Will.

Quote for the Day

So I liked this quote for today. Thought I would share...

"Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business."

-Micheal J. Fox

More later from me.

Breaking Down, Maybe

So I realized over the weekend that this music festival/camping trip John and I have had planned for a while is coming up in less than 30 days. If you know me, you know I'm a planner and to think about life without having a plan makes me nervous. Makes me clutch tighter to my list making notebook and count to ten. Lucky for me way back when we talked about going but hadn't yet really decided, I made a list. A pretty good list too. I've been hangin on to it since then. Today I pulled it out and got serious. Printed off all the needed info to get us there, what we do once we get there, scouted us a camp site, etc. I'm now, as always, trying to think through what clothes we should be taking. What things do I need to get? It's gonna be wicked hot but when we were there last time it turned off really cold on night and we nearly froze our butts off. I also got a pretty bad blister on my foot last time too. I'm trying to think through sensible but cute footwear. Flip flops are often not a good idea because of mud and such. I'm thinking maybe these...

Oh my lord, they're crocs. I'm almost ashamed of myself but they do fit the need that I have. Super comfy (from all the reviews I've read), waterproof, sensible (besides being crocs) and the strap over my foot should keep these on my feet. I'm thinking the red makes the most sense for me because everything else is like purple or pink. Yuck.

Overall I'm really excited for this trip. I haven't been to this festival for about six or seven years. Amazing how time flys. My favorite part (besides the music) is all the people watching. John and I both love to people watch and this festival is the ultimate in people watching.

I would also be lying if I didn't tell you that I'm a little excited to set up a mini house for a week. It's almost like playing house but better. I'm thinking through all the things we will need and want to have. It's a great challenge for my virgo brain to work on these days.

Back in Bidness

After being sick for what seemed like months, I'm back. I'm almost perfectly normal. Still a little cough but nothing like it was. I've never in all my life had a cough that bad. I'm glad it's over. When I saw the doctor last week it turned out I had a viral infection. He gave me all kinds of meds and a wicked strong antibiotic. Knocked it out cold.

I've worked from home a few days. Friday I was home and online but slept most of the day because I hadn't been able to sleep for coughing the night before. Saturday John worked and I rested. Sunday, We slept late, did house/yard work and shopped a little. I got some good things for summer. I realized that the heat was here and I wasn't ready. I bough a few summer weight pairs of pants, a brown jersey dress, and three summer works tops. I also scored an amazing deal on some Calvin Klein heels to wear with this brown dress. Notice that they are not four inch heels. I'm trying to be more grown.

Yesterday, I worked from home because our bedroom furniture was being delivered. It got here all in one piece and we've moved it all into the room but I'm still trying to decide about the arrangement. Pictures to come later on the bedroom stuff. Last night I also managed to make a great dinner. Broiled skirt steak with chili rubbed roasted potatoes & a fresh cherry, peach and blueberry pie. Man was it all tasty. I love to cook but normally don't go to a huge amount of trouble because I hate to do dishes. I laid down my laziness mantel for one night though.

Today is supposed to be hot. Like really hot hot hot. I'm looking forward to it just because I love to feel that heat when I come out of the air conditioned building.

One Little Problem

It started out being that I didn't have anything to listen to. Same old music I've always had. Sigh. I want something new to listen to. I scan the radio in my car and find a christian music station I've never heard of. I leave it there for a few weeks. I know have a ton ton ton of cd's I want and bands I HAVE to go see. Seems like everyday I come up with another show I wanna see or another band that has a killer sound. Christian music has come a super long way since I was seriously listening to it before. It's really rocking and most of the time you can't tell the difference between it and the regular stuff. Something else I've noticed, I apparently only really like male singers.

Tenth Avenue North

Switchfoot

Run Kid Run

Mainstay

Mae

Hawk Nelson

Falling Up

Delirious?

Anberlin

Sigh As You Scroll

Maybe someday I'll get over it but don't count on it.

Awesome. We're Old Now.

So lately I've noticed something about my husband and I. We're old people in younger people's bodies. Me, I creak when I walk, Lately I smell like menthol from all the cough drops and I hate going to the movies now because all the "young people" are there making noise during the moving picture show! John, he's all about canned chili, he only wants to watch either the Space channel, Discovery Channel or History Channel and he hates going to the movies because all the "young people" are there. What is up with this!?!?

Next we're going to be buying denture paste and getting roller sets. Seriously!!!

Apparently, Sick is My Mouthpiece

So I really didn't intent to be all emotional about this thing with my friend. It just kinda happened. I did push submit but once reading over it realized how I sounded. Things aren't great between her and I but I believe can and should be worked out. She is a self absorbed person. Most of us are at our core. I need to look at this as an opportunity to love her, rather than not be friends with her just because she's acting weird or rarely thinks of my feelings. Just keep perspective. I was expecting her to provide me with something she can't give. Something that only God can give me. I was wrong, as per usual when we really stop to take a look at the large situation in front of us. We're typically the ones getting in the way. Not that she doesn't have some fault. She does. But so did the millions of others that Jesus loved. We're all broken. We're all messed up if we were to let others see who we really are. It's human nature. That is what normal is.

She and I went to lunch today. We talked. Not about our relationship but about her. I started out just kind of letting her talk. Letting her vent as she always does. I figure being a sounding board isn't the worst thing. She needs someone objective to talk to. As she talks though, I feel this stir. I feel that God Thing inside me clawing at the back of my lips wanting to get out. So I open and let loose. She's having marriage troubles. This I've known for some time. She's not been willing to do anything about it and I've not really been that helpful because honestly she never listens to what I have to say anyway. So I normally just shake my head and we move on. I realize I'm the one who's been letting her down. I'm the one who's been giving her the weird treatment of sorts because I've not been who I am. Who she knows me to be. So we talk. We talk for awhile. I am choosing my words carefully at first because as good of friends as I like to think we are, we've never discussed the "God" aspect of things. I know she occasionally goes to church but in my eyes church is just a by product of loving god, not what it's about. Not the meat of relationship with God. So after awhile of this careful dance we're doing with one another I open my mouth wide. Low and behold, That God Thing crawls straight out of my stomach and lands right in the middle of the car between us. I'm watching in horror as my mouthpiece is spilling these much needed words to my best girlfriend. Speaking to her from my own life experience, telling her things I've read in books and being honest for once. Really honest. Telling her that marriage isn't easy and it's not going to be. It's about a decision that you make sometimes moment by moment to love that person past what he does or says. You love him for you who know he is. I'm telling her she needs to make a real decision to either stay married to this guy or not. And if she chooses to stay with him, she needs to be ready to make a fool of herself by an means necessary to figure out the puzzle that is marriage and how it applies to hers. Good thing she was driving because she hopefully didn't look over and see the disconnect between my eyes wide in disbelief of what my mouth was saying. I told her I wasn't smart. It's not that I was born with all this. I sought it out. When things get tough your real desperation is shown. "Are you truly desperate enough for you marriage to work to do whatever it takes?" I say to her. She's stunned. She doesn't know what to say. I tell her that's the real choice here. Not what things she's going to nag at him next about or if she wants to "secretly" go hang out with some dude she dated in high school. It's real life people. About this time we get back to work and thank the Lord because who knows what else might have popped out. I know the Lord has probably been trying to get me to say those things for ages to her and the weirdness was mine because I wasn't doing what I was suppose to. Funny how that works...

The proof now will be in the pudding for me because I'll wait to see what she does. She may really do this this time or she may not. The proof will be me loving her past what she does. Doing exactly what I told her to do. Loving her past what she does and loving her for who she is. I've always wondered why God gives me friends that always need something from me but today I realized that it's how he uses me. My ministry as some people say. I've never thought of myself as a person who could go to another country and reach the masses but one person at a time, I can do that...

Quick Update: We've not been back at work a full hour yet and she's already freaking out about something to do with their checkbook. Calling him saying she's going to get a separate account and is mad because he's laughing at her. I say "He's laughing because he thinks you're being irrational" she says that she isn't. Sigh...At least I learned something from our talk about her marriage today.

Me Again

Yes, I'm very talkative today. I may be trying to make up for all the talking I didn't do while sleeping this weekend. Not sure. I'm needing to do some talking. Talking about something I'm not really sure what I've got to say about. Have you ever lost a friend? I mean someone you felt you had this wonderful connection with. Someone you felt like really understood you and you them. Two peas in a pod I guess some people say. You'll know who that person is for you when someone sees you out and about and says "Hey, Where's ________?" It's not like we're conjoined twins, we've just been together awhile and it seemed right. I guess till it was wrong. For no reason it was wrong. I wish I knew. I also wish this was the first time that very instance has happened to me. No. It's not. It's why I find it hard to open up and be friends with people. Women in general. We're mean. We do stuff for no reason and expect not to have to give a reason or be asked for one. Wonder why we're that way. What made us so wicked? I'm here again, like last time, retracing my steps back over and over, trying to figure out what it "might" have been. Did I say...Maybe it was... I can't work it out. I guess, just like last time, I'll have to let it go. Move on. It hurts more this time for some reason. Maybe it's the same and I can't remember before. All I know is I've got this hole in my guts. This totally weird feeling that I'm not sure what to do with. I think I'll miss her. I know I'll think of her from time to time but sometimes people out grow you I guess. Out grow what brought you together in the first place. I'm sad about it, sure but looking back I always knew it was a friendship out of convenience for her. We almost never did anything together outside of work or that didn't relate to work. I always took it as her time was very scheduled and busy. So I didn't want to bother or when I would ask, she was busy. So I just enjoyed what time we did have together. Looking back I'm a little mad at myself for letting myself be treated that way and the hardest part is that I know I'll see her again. See her a lot but it won't be like it was. It won't be two peas in a pod for us anymore. That makes me sad. Really sad.