One Little Problem

It started out being that I didn't have anything to listen to. Same old music I've always had. Sigh. I want something new to listen to. I scan the radio in my car and find a christian music station I've never heard of. I leave it there for a few weeks. I know have a ton ton ton of cd's I want and bands I HAVE to go see. Seems like everyday I come up with another show I wanna see or another band that has a killer sound. Christian music has come a super long way since I was seriously listening to it before. It's really rocking and most of the time you can't tell the difference between it and the regular stuff. Something else I've noticed, I apparently only really like male singers.

Tenth Avenue North

Switchfoot

Run Kid Run

Mainstay

Mae

Hawk Nelson

Falling Up

Delirious?

Anberlin

Sigh As You Scroll

Maybe someday I'll get over it but don't count on it.

Awesome. We're Old Now.

So lately I've noticed something about my husband and I. We're old people in younger people's bodies. Me, I creak when I walk, Lately I smell like menthol from all the cough drops and I hate going to the movies now because all the "young people" are there making noise during the moving picture show! John, he's all about canned chili, he only wants to watch either the Space channel, Discovery Channel or History Channel and he hates going to the movies because all the "young people" are there. What is up with this!?!?

Next we're going to be buying denture paste and getting roller sets. Seriously!!!

Apparently, Sick is My Mouthpiece

So I really didn't intent to be all emotional about this thing with my friend. It just kinda happened. I did push submit but once reading over it realized how I sounded. Things aren't great between her and I but I believe can and should be worked out. She is a self absorbed person. Most of us are at our core. I need to look at this as an opportunity to love her, rather than not be friends with her just because she's acting weird or rarely thinks of my feelings. Just keep perspective. I was expecting her to provide me with something she can't give. Something that only God can give me. I was wrong, as per usual when we really stop to take a look at the large situation in front of us. We're typically the ones getting in the way. Not that she doesn't have some fault. She does. But so did the millions of others that Jesus loved. We're all broken. We're all messed up if we were to let others see who we really are. It's human nature. That is what normal is.

She and I went to lunch today. We talked. Not about our relationship but about her. I started out just kind of letting her talk. Letting her vent as she always does. I figure being a sounding board isn't the worst thing. She needs someone objective to talk to. As she talks though, I feel this stir. I feel that God Thing inside me clawing at the back of my lips wanting to get out. So I open and let loose. She's having marriage troubles. This I've known for some time. She's not been willing to do anything about it and I've not really been that helpful because honestly she never listens to what I have to say anyway. So I normally just shake my head and we move on. I realize I'm the one who's been letting her down. I'm the one who's been giving her the weird treatment of sorts because I've not been who I am. Who she knows me to be. So we talk. We talk for awhile. I am choosing my words carefully at first because as good of friends as I like to think we are, we've never discussed the "God" aspect of things. I know she occasionally goes to church but in my eyes church is just a by product of loving god, not what it's about. Not the meat of relationship with God. So after awhile of this careful dance we're doing with one another I open my mouth wide. Low and behold, That God Thing crawls straight out of my stomach and lands right in the middle of the car between us. I'm watching in horror as my mouthpiece is spilling these much needed words to my best girlfriend. Speaking to her from my own life experience, telling her things I've read in books and being honest for once. Really honest. Telling her that marriage isn't easy and it's not going to be. It's about a decision that you make sometimes moment by moment to love that person past what he does or says. You love him for you who know he is. I'm telling her she needs to make a real decision to either stay married to this guy or not. And if she chooses to stay with him, she needs to be ready to make a fool of herself by an means necessary to figure out the puzzle that is marriage and how it applies to hers. Good thing she was driving because she hopefully didn't look over and see the disconnect between my eyes wide in disbelief of what my mouth was saying. I told her I wasn't smart. It's not that I was born with all this. I sought it out. When things get tough your real desperation is shown. "Are you truly desperate enough for you marriage to work to do whatever it takes?" I say to her. She's stunned. She doesn't know what to say. I tell her that's the real choice here. Not what things she's going to nag at him next about or if she wants to "secretly" go hang out with some dude she dated in high school. It's real life people. About this time we get back to work and thank the Lord because who knows what else might have popped out. I know the Lord has probably been trying to get me to say those things for ages to her and the weirdness was mine because I wasn't doing what I was suppose to. Funny how that works...

The proof now will be in the pudding for me because I'll wait to see what she does. She may really do this this time or she may not. The proof will be me loving her past what she does. Doing exactly what I told her to do. Loving her past what she does and loving her for who she is. I've always wondered why God gives me friends that always need something from me but today I realized that it's how he uses me. My ministry as some people say. I've never thought of myself as a person who could go to another country and reach the masses but one person at a time, I can do that...

Quick Update: We've not been back at work a full hour yet and she's already freaking out about something to do with their checkbook. Calling him saying she's going to get a separate account and is mad because he's laughing at her. I say "He's laughing because he thinks you're being irrational" she says that she isn't. Sigh...At least I learned something from our talk about her marriage today.

Me Again

Yes, I'm very talkative today. I may be trying to make up for all the talking I didn't do while sleeping this weekend. Not sure. I'm needing to do some talking. Talking about something I'm not really sure what I've got to say about. Have you ever lost a friend? I mean someone you felt you had this wonderful connection with. Someone you felt like really understood you and you them. Two peas in a pod I guess some people say. You'll know who that person is for you when someone sees you out and about and says "Hey, Where's ________?" It's not like we're conjoined twins, we've just been together awhile and it seemed right. I guess till it was wrong. For no reason it was wrong. I wish I knew. I also wish this was the first time that very instance has happened to me. No. It's not. It's why I find it hard to open up and be friends with people. Women in general. We're mean. We do stuff for no reason and expect not to have to give a reason or be asked for one. Wonder why we're that way. What made us so wicked? I'm here again, like last time, retracing my steps back over and over, trying to figure out what it "might" have been. Did I say...Maybe it was... I can't work it out. I guess, just like last time, I'll have to let it go. Move on. It hurts more this time for some reason. Maybe it's the same and I can't remember before. All I know is I've got this hole in my guts. This totally weird feeling that I'm not sure what to do with. I think I'll miss her. I know I'll think of her from time to time but sometimes people out grow you I guess. Out grow what brought you together in the first place. I'm sad about it, sure but looking back I always knew it was a friendship out of convenience for her. We almost never did anything together outside of work or that didn't relate to work. I always took it as her time was very scheduled and busy. So I didn't want to bother or when I would ask, she was busy. So I just enjoyed what time we did have together. Looking back I'm a little mad at myself for letting myself be treated that way and the hardest part is that I know I'll see her again. See her a lot but it won't be like it was. It won't be two peas in a pod for us anymore. That makes me sad. Really sad.

Since I'm Six Point Five Seconds Away From Falling Asleep...

I'm gonna do a little "Things I Like Today" montage for you.

Warning Label: I'm in a funny mood. It's either all the TheraFlu pills I've had today or need for more than four million hours of sleep with in a four day period.

-Cranergey drink for Ocean Spray. I saw this on tv and being the good consumer I am (and also a pure blood Williams) I ran out and got some quick as I could. It's pretty groovy given that all I've really been interested in putting into my body lately is tea, tea, water, tea, coffee. I like the Cranberry Raspberry blend.

-Viva LaVida the new cd coming out June 17th from Coldplay. I listened to a little teaser today and it sounds lovely. I've always liked them. From the first sad, forlorn note Mr Martin let out of his funny British mouth till today. I'm still with ya, boys. Keep makin it awesome!

-Short hair is back in fashion. Now, let's stop just a second to say that fashion almost never dictates what I do or do not. Style to me is about breaking what "fashion" says is in or isn't and making it your own. But I do have to say it makes me feel a little bit closer to my new mop o locks to know the models in Anthropologie mag are sportin my do too

-New stuff from my ever present favorite lady, Amy Butler. She's got some great new fabrics out for Spring/Summer and let me tell you I'm thinking seriously about making a little bedroom something out of this stuff. It's totally right there with my light teal/aqua phase and it's so summery. I still have this gift card to the mecca of all fabric stores here in KC burning a hot little hole in my gap jeans pocket. Maybe some should go here?

-This super cute royale blue (I know it's NOT spelled that way but I like it. same thing with grey. I've spelled it that way since forever) summer weight sweater from J Crew. I have this weakness. It's call J Crew. Even though I own almost nothing from this store (I some how believe their clothes are out of my league) I pine, drool and basically obsess over their things. This isn't even expenses. I just need to bite the bullet and realize that if I had it, I'd wear it like a million times a week. Ok, maybe that's pushing it just a tad.

-Lastly, (Of course if you know me, you know this list could go on and on) the Music Builds Tour coming to KC, MO on October 11th. This features my boys Switchfoot, as well as ThirdDay, Jars of Clay and I'm thinking someone else. This concert will be at Starlight, which I've been to and can't imagine this being a good or even decent concert venue but I'll go with it. I love the boys of Switch. This will be our third concert together and as with all things, except for unrefrigerated meat, they get better over time.

Except for, I have to mention, this whole long haired out of control look that Jon is sporting these days? I'm seriously not a fan. This is just to wicked long mate!

I'm also struggling with the hat but I'll spare you the upset.

M Weekend

So just when you get a chance at a three day weekend, wouldn't you know it, I'm sick. I felt okish when I got up Saturday morning. Pulled on some clothes and prepared for the beginning of a slow three days. We went to get our hair cut, went out to NFM to order our bedroom set. Felt ok. Decided to have some lunch before we continued our journey to Oak Park Mall. While sitting at John's newest favorite place to eat, TGIFriday's, it hit me. Like a ton of bricks it hit me. I wasn't ok. No ish about it. I needed to lay down and in a hurry. I stumbled out to the car and managed to drag myself through two more stores that had to be gone to before my eyes could close. Laid down Saturday evening got up sometime Monday late late morning. Slept almost through. Coughed, hacked, moaned, groaned for what felt like days. Today I'm feeling better. Not bad actually. Theraflu caplets are my friend.

While sitting around waiting to feel better we watched a few movies yesterday. John got me the Blu Ray versions on Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire (my favorite of the movies btw) and Casino Royale (which is my favorite of the Bond movies and as well it should be. It's plainly far superior to all the others). I love this Bond flick. If there is anyone you'd want on your side, it's James.

Also, if I could, I would wish to be even half as wildly amazing as Vespre (Eva Green) in this movie.

But M is the true inspiration in this film. She's bold, funny, smart and beautiful. I'll be Eva now and M later on. Hopefully...

I love Judi Dench. She's in another of my all time favorite movies ever, Chocolat. She's done everything and can be anybody. Really she's inspiring to me just because she's so strong yet still remains to caring and aware of herself. She's not brittle when it counts and really, would you want to meet her in a dark alley if she was pissed at you? M or not.

Where Was I?

Oh Yeah, At home sick yesterday. Yuck. Sinus troubles. Came to work today because Friday's are always so very busy. I was able to talk to the nurse at our onsite clinic. She set me up with some meds for the weekend. Planning to hopefully rest a lot this weekend too.

I know we're going out to order our new bedroom set. We found it on NFM's website after a disheartening trip to the actual store where we'd seen it previously. This is a tiny photo but you get the idea.

We also picked up this little jewel last night and will be putting it together one day coming up soon. It's a great book case that matches our media cabinet. I've never been one for matching stuff till I just gave in and realized it's so much easier to just by the matching stuff and stop worrying about if it all goes. Now I know it goes. I've also got my eye on this little baby. I know. How excited can you really be about a vacuum right? WRONG. I'm wicked excited about it because with my back/shoulder weirdness it's hard for me to lug our regular old full sized vac around the house. This one is super light weight and will suck that nasty dog hair off the carpet from the next room. You know you've grown up when you'd rather have a new vacuum than a new pair of shoes. Scary.Happy Weekend all.

Just When You Couldn't Stand It Anymore

Well me really. Just when I couldn't stand it anymore. I have a hair appointment on Saturday. I'm doing this as of now.I'm looking for a serious summer cut that I don't have to spend forever on. I want something that fits the stuff I like to do and makes it easy for me to manage. Hello Cute Cut. Nice to see you again. I'm also going to make my standing appointment while at the shop this time. I so often get my hair cut and then don't go back to keep it up. I'm ready to keep this up though.

Today looks to be a pretty low key day at work. Most everyone is out of the office that I support and I've got two meetings.

Perhaps more later today...

Well Now...

So I drug my bottom into work today literally praying the day would go by smoothly and quickly. After four days away from this place it's hard to come back.

The Joyce conference was awesome! We went to all four of the sessions which were on integrity. Very good. We were 10 rows in on the floor. Great seats.

Delirious? was the "worship" band there. THEY WERE THE BEST! I'd never seen them live before and let me tell you, I'm in love. Those guys are awesome. All about God and funky as heck. My kinda men! The UK accents weren't to bad either.The Sprint Center is beautiful. We had plenty of time inside and out of it. Lovely view of the city from the steps of the Sprint Center. Rockin good place to eat near the SC. They have a million kinds of burgers and other stuff.

I got a ton of books, shirts, cd's and dvd's to keep my summer busy at the conference as well. I bought every Delirious CD they had on the tables and two t shirts. I love these guys and believe in their music. They are really cool guys that REALLY love God. To my that's so important and muchly worthy of my money.

Me, Packin around the vast amount of stuffs I bought, eat and read while at the conference.

Anyway, nose back to the grindstone for a few days. Looking forward to a three day weekend coming up with nothing to do.

Enjoy some videos from the conference I took...

This one I forgot was sideways, it does turn at some point. It's some of the Delirious? show. Sorry for the shaky cam version. It was me recording in a sea of jumping people.

This is of the crowd during one of the Delirious? shows. We were all getting into it pretty much...

I Know I've Ignored You Like An Ugly Step Child

BUT I'm back. Life's been hectic and crazy lately. Works been a challenge lately too. I'm feeling good today though because I have Thur and Fri off AND my mom and I are going to a church conference here in town on those days. I've been once before and it was amazing. I'm looking forward to the conference and also spending time with my mom.

Since I last wrote I've picked up a few new habits. Cleaning the house like crazy, an unnatural love for Chanel makeup and learning to belly dance. How about that!

More to come later...

The Bash

Myself and my best girlfriend, Alison.

Kathy, whom I sit next to at work and Michelle, who covers for me while I'm on vacation but is also very funny and nice.

Momo number two.

So the party/dinner last night for work was ok. They took us to a really nice place but it was actually so fancy that people felt they couldn't have fun. It was crowded because instead of renting out the entire place for us there where other people there. So we all felt we needed to keep in our seats and quiet for the most part. The food was so so. I got the steak. I'm picky about my steak. I like medium rare and I mean medium rare when I order it. I get medium well every time. It was fun to hang out with people I work with outside of work though.

Today we've got an appreciation luncheon and more presentations. I've spent the morning lining out all the work I need to get done. I'll be a busy bee for sure tomorrow.

The weekend is coming up. John is working Saturday and then we've got a pirate themed birthday party to go to that night. Should be fun.

How Cool Is That?!?

So I just got out of a meeting with the leadership for our admin community and was a little bummed that I didn't get any awards this year. Wasn't surprised but bummed none the less. I'm more in a growing period at this point and it will take some time for me to really get my feet in this role. Anyways, back to the meeting. So I was sitting there a little sullen, when all the sudden they pull out three bags and start passing out Ipods!!! I have an older version but am thrilled to have a newer more light version to play with as well. I of course had to trade around till I got a green one! I'm excited to get home and get some songs that have been going on in my head lately on this thing.

Off to our admin dinner at a really great restaurant downtown. Hopefully I will get some great pics of my buds being silly for tomorrow's post.

Happy Wed!

Back in KC

Above just a few of the things I got in the GREAT state of TX. Totally cute summer weight kelly green jacket. Large bottle of my favorite perfume of the moment "Nina Ricci" and what would be vacation without some new shoes?! Got these Steve Madden's at Dillards and I just LOVE them. They are pretty high but I almost don't know how to walk in flat shoes it seems. Love this stuff...

So we're back from Texas. Got back Monday night late. Shocked to hear about all the tornado damage. We had a bit of that in Texas as well. We got herded like cattle into the stairwells one morning for 45 minutes while we waited for the all clear. A few towns over a tornado killed five and did tons of damage. Crazy weather. Our house was/is fine. Just a few limbs down. A good friend of mine here at work however wasn't so lucky on her street. She was in the worst hit area. Two houses down from her the entire roof of the house got taken with the family still inside. Across the street, a house not yet lived in was completely level and taken off. You can't even tell there was a house there at all. Their house got tons of siding ripped off and tons of debris punctured into the side of their house. Wild how those things move.

Other than the storms, Texas was good. We ate out, shopped, slept in and visited with family. We also did a birthday party for John. He's officially 30.

This week at work our leadership has us attending a series of meetings and events for Admin Week. So far some have been informative. We're doing a big dinner off site tonight though. I'm looking forward to that.

Life's been pretty low hey lately. Just workin, going home, cleaning the house, cooking, getting groceries. Normal stuff. I like it that way for the most part. Some people find everyday duties boring but I sometimes like the comfortableness of them. Throwing in a load of laundry, mopping the bathroom floor, then getting to sit down and read a good book while you wait for the dryer to beep. Going to bed early or going to bed late. Getting up and making coffee, getting in the shower. Picking out clothes for the day. Maybe it's the maturity in my coming out. I just love to be home. Not that we have this fabulous home that is always neat and tidy and for sure it's not spacious but it's our house. At least for now. Home is where my dogs are, where my hubby is, where our stuff lives. I feel like I'd like a bigger house but I know that again, that house will be home to us once we get it all settled. All "us". That's new for me.